Chasing God

I had a strange conversation with a friend the other day. He said that he has always wondered if God was leading in the ministry work that I've done, but sees clearly that God is leading in my most recent endeavor as a firefighter in the way doors have opened and my obvious passionate pursuit of it.

(For anyone who may not know, I recently earned a top hiring slot for the West Metro Fire Department here in Denver. This is my next adventure after my life with YFC).

Since I was in college I have tried hard to follow what I believe God wanted me to do. I searched for HIS will in things; tried to understand what HE would have me do. I knew that if this God was true, than I wanted to put my whole life into serving HIM. The roles Mindy and I have had have been carefully considered in light of this desire.

Through my recent faith struggles and my disappointment with ministry, I was left to ask what's next. For the first time, I had little desire to "ask God" for the answer... to seek what he wanted. Instead, I decided what I wanted and pursued it whole heartedly - with great success.

Now, I'm not saying this isn't what God wanted necessarily. I'm just saying I did not take labored consideration to figure out what God wanted.

So I am left with a nagging question: Why is it that of all the times that I have tried to pursue God's will, the time someone sees it in me is the time I did not consider it very highly in my process?

First Family Camping

The Rogers' favorites of the first ever camping trip with all 4 of us in a tent
(a 3 person tent I might add):

Dad: I love campfires, so not much can beat that. But also seeing the kids free to explore and having so much fun on their own with just the occasional prodding (daring) by Dad.

Mom: Watching the kids play and seeing them have fun just climbing on rocks was nice. I enjoyed the peacefulness!

Jamie: I liked to fish! Even though we didn't catch any. They didn't like the worm. I guess they were full. I also liked jumping on rocks and eating breakfast, lunch, and dinner outside!

Jordan: Um, playing with toys (his fishing pole) and...we slept the tent!

Virtual Therapy

A month dormant. A month of events in life that I have not put into words. There is something therapeutic about being forced to put our life into words that I think those of you who have blogs of your own will understand. Something that makes us sit down and think about our lives. Something that makes us articulate the little things or thoughts in life that so often pass by without a second thought. And it is something deeper than just journally because we must put it is something that we must explain well enough for others to understand. Something that makes us ask what those who may pass through our virtual lives may actually be interested in... whether parents, friends, random internet searches, or just our own selves looking back at our sporadic glances and deep thoughts in life.

Well, I'm back, and I hope somewhat consistently - although I make no promises. Those who were reading this have probably long left and gone so I somewhat feel I'm writing to myself. If you are out there please continue to check in regularly (or sign up for updates). And as you read something you like, don't like, disagree with, or that sparks a thought of your own, let me know your there!


Oh, and if you have any ideas for posts, let me know!

"Rockin' Where You Are" - World Premier!

The up-and-coming talent of Jordan Rogers has premiered his first hit single and you've seen it here first!!

Critics have acclaimed that Jordan's looks and cuteness are unmatched but his lyrics seem a bit repetitive...

The Double Edged Sword of Authenticity

Authenticity. Honesty. Transparency. In a world of "Mcsoundbytes" and "how-you-doing-but-give-me-the-answer-in-5-seconds-or-less" relationships, I believe we all long to be truly known. Many of us walk through life afraid to let ourselves be known for fear that others won't take the time to care or out of fear of rejection - or perhaps more accurately that we will not be understood in our core selves. We are careful with who we are authentic with - as if each person in my life is allowed a certain level of access to the person I want them to see, but requires the top secret password for the true self that we feel inside.

I value being real. I think we all do at some level. It is refreshing to us when others are real - faults and all - because we don't see it all that often in our world today. That is what this blog has been about for me. This entire faith struggle or the thoughts that I've had could very easily be handled internally, but I value the opportunity to be authentic with those around me - and yes publicly.

I found out Monday, however, that the authenticity that I have so valued has a sharp side to it that when not handled carefully can lead to deep wounds by the very wielder of it. When you wear you heart on your sleeve, it leaves it vulnerable to misunderstanding since the practice is so rare. I know many pastors and missionaries who have struggled in ways that I have shared and walk the route of keeping it to themselves. Who can judge them, for it is their very faith that provides their paycheck and their identity!

On Monday, I was informed that I am terminated from my place of employment because they "no longer have confidence in [my] ability to provide spiritual leadership in the capacity to which [I] had been assigned." One can hardly blame them. The Christian community is uncomfortable with doubt and honest questions - especially from their leaders. It was my own desire to be transparent that allowed questions to creep in to my performance. Perhaps we must choose more carefully who we are authentic with. But even if we look only for safe places, we can often misjudge safety.

No, I still think that we need to be true to who we are even at the risk of being misunderstood or rejected because of it. I think that the reality of our journeys in this life are too profound to hide in a shroud of fear and uncertainty. This last month has shown me anew the value of being real over and over again in my interactions with others and my own personal journey of finding a foundation in the reliability of Christ - even as I question other things.

Thank you all again for joining me in that. I look forward to continuing to write boldly and, yes, authentically.

Stay Tuned!

I realize I've been a bit silent this week - both on new posts and replies to your comments. I'm still here and haven't "quit" blogging. I'm in some intense study this week on Jesus and faith and have put on hold any distractions such as the blog for now.

However, I still appreciate your comments and you holding on for new posts coming very soon (how about I promise by Monday of next week)!

Why did I believe in the First Place?

I have always believed that if God is truth, then he can stand up to our inquiry toward truth without failing.

A few of you have thrown out the challenge for me to look at why I believed in the first place. Fair enough. In this post, however, I will not argue against these, but simply allow the reflection to sink in.

I was 15 when I attended church with the sole purpose of figuring out if I should be an outspoken opponent to the "whitewashing damage of this crazy institution." This idea that there there was an invisible being that loved people struck me as a solid helping of B.S.

Attending that service, a number of people gave testimonies of how their lives had changed due to this belief in God. I wasn't stupid or gullible enough to believe this crap, but I conceded not be outspoken against it since the belief was doing some good for these gullible souls (to some extent that is where I'm afraid I might fall now).

At 16 I noticed that I was becoming a person I did not respect. I was into drinking, girls, and other vices of teens at a level that I knew was not healthy. Then, a friend (of course a female) invited me to a church service. The youth pastor spoke of the rationality of believing in the resurrection (primarily that alternate theories were not rational). I had never known that Christians actually thought - AT ALL. This gave me my first exposure to apologetics.

I quickly read a short book by Josh McDowell called More than a Carpenter which outlines the logical reasons to believe in Jesus - he claimed to be God, he was not crazy or misguide, the bible is a reliable account of him, the disciples who knew him best died for their belief in him...etc. All backed up through evidence and logic. It made sense to me.

Since then I have matured in my understanding of other reasons to believe based on evidence and logic. In college and beyond I have always told others: Give me a more logical explanation of things and I will happily reconsider my position. I have no interest in following a false God. I have always believed that if God is truth, then he can stand up to our inquiry toward truth without failing.

Today, in this journey, I have begun doubting some of that foundation. This week I have been re-reading More than a Carpenter. It is refreshing to once again to be reminded of some of the simple logic that led me to belief.

What I have remembered this week is that it was an understanding of Jesus that led me to believe in God - not an understanding of God that led me to Christianity. Therefore, I have started again looking at this man Jesus and the accounts of him as I search for any solid grounding to stand upon.

Doubts are Normal?

If doubts are normal, don't you think that in itself is a problem to the Christian faith?

Over the past few weeks, after making this struggle public, I have heard a lot of comments such as "What your going through is perfectly normal," or "You know all Christians go through this." I've even been reading a few books on the Christian faith journey that speak of this as "the Wall" or "the Dark Night of the Soul." Others have admitted to me similar questions that they have wrestled with or are currently wrestling with.

I appreciate the comments from those who want me to see hope. But here is my reflection this morning: Doesn't it sound odd to you that we believers must fight doubt in our own mind in order to accept truth?

Some philosophers and theologians even say that we must have doubt and that faith is belief in the face of reason. Here is a quote from Soren Kierkegaard:

"The need for 'reasons' is already a kind of doubt – doubt lives off reasons. We fail to notice that the more reasons one advances, the more one nourishes doubt and the stronger doubt becomes. Offering doubt reasons in order to kill it is just like offering a hungry monster food it likes best of all in order to eliminate it. No, we must not offer reasons to doubt – at least not if our intention is to kill it. We must do as Luther did, order doubt to shut its mouth, and to that end we must keep quiet."*

REALLY?!?! Would we not state that if someone who believed some non-Christian viewpoint (such as evolution, Islam, Mormonism, etc) said this that they were only deluding themselves? I realize doubt does not prove or disprove reality in and of itself, but the acceptance that we all doubt and must "overcome" those doubts in this sense seems extremely suspect in any view of the truth to me.

* From Provocations, a free online e-book compilation of the Spiritual Writings of Kierkegaard found HERE. p. 77

of Heads and Hearts

It’s amazing how much emotions control our lives. There are a ton of examples I could use – from the trauma we’ve faced to our view of ourselves to our mood in a given moment. Emotions play a large part of who we are, what we do, and even what we believe.

As I explore my doubt in God, I am well aware that there is much under the surface of intellect that could be based in emotional issues… broken trust of leaders in my life, hurt from the people I thought I could trust, experiences where I trusted God and received hurt… or my family was hurt.

Perhaps it even goes back to the cliché “daddy issues.” I love my dad, but the reality is his personality is not the type to initiate contact and reach out to be there. (Dad, if you ever read this realize I’m not blaming you and love you a ton – I’m commenting on a personality trait that you have admitted to me). If we often perceive God as we do our earthly Father, well of course I doubt if he is initiating involvement today in the world.

Of course this is not just true of those of us who struggle with faith. Christians come to believe in God for a variety of needs in their life: to be loved, to belong to a community, to have a sense of purpose and worth, to escape something in their lives, or for hope in the hopelessness – all common results of emotional “issues.”

I’m a heady guy. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life analyzing myself and the situations around me. I can’t begin to tell you how many personality tests I’ve taken, how many counseling sessions I’ve sat through, and how many books I’ve read to seek an understanding of myself and the world.

I don’t know if anyone out there is like me, but I find it much easier to analyze and think than it is to feel and hurt. “Deal with the trauma and emotional issues in your life” we are told… I am told. But what does that even mean. If I have an intellectual issue, I know I can read a book, reason, research, think… but how does one address the heart issues – just continue to think about something until I cry?

The emotional reality does not negate the intellectual difficulty, but I would encourage others out there who struggle… or who don’t think about why they believe… to realize the deep issues that underlie those intellectual issues we may have. I’ll let you know if I ever find the answer of what to do with those emotions, but if we are going to be authentic in our walk through life, we have to admit the deep sources that we often mask by staying in the head.

I admit it to you as we continue this journey.

An Inventor in the Making

Dad: "Jamie, what are you thinking about"

Jamie: "Maybe we can go to Walmart and buy a 'thought bubble' so you can see what I'm thinking about."

Watch out Lance Armstrong

This weekend I took a break from the theological ponderings and spend some quality time with the family. A beautiful Saturday led us to the park for Jamie's first time riding a bike without training wheels. He nailed the downhill and is now ready for the balance challenge of the flat ground.

Why you Believe or not - side note

Today (and possibly tomorrow) there will be no new post on faith. I want to give ample time for people to really answer yesterday's post.

I did want to answer one concern, though, that has come up. My intent in asking for your stories is as a mutual encouragement and challenge based on your belief (or response to mine). I have absolutely no intention of trying to attack, discredit, or blow off your personal thoughts. In the future, I may post questions or ideas based on some of your thoughts, but never in direct attack or in belittling your experience or reason directly. I simply want to hear your hearts and thoughts and I think it would do each of you well to hear it from each other - whether your grounding is simple or complex, logical or illogical, defendable or not... those labels are unnecessary and irrelevant. This is simply a time to hear from each of you.

Thanks for joining me in the journey.

Why Do You Believe...or Not?

I would love it if every person that sees this would respond to this one question:

• If you believe in God (especially the Christian God), why? What is the one or two things that you can come back to in grounding your faith? (Perhaps an experience you had or something about the universe or other fact. I'm not looking for a full apologetic, but what foundation do you personally stand on when others question)

• If you do not believe in God, why not? What specifically prevents you from believing. (Again, perhaps an experience or a specific reasoning issue)

My ideal is to make this site a two way conversation. I thrive on the comments some of you have made so far.

I'll lay myself out with the first comment. I'm looking forward to hearing yours!

*please note, there are Christians, non-Christians, and seekers of truth reading this blog. I will not tolerate any comments that are personally attacking or disrespectful, but will not moderate beyond that. I'm anxious for the dialogue.

A lesson from Grandma "Gee Gee"

My mom was in town this last weekend from Seattle to celebrate Mindy and Jordan's birthdays. Perhaps she just can't help spoiling us, but I must say from my perspective that Mom is one of the most serving people I know. She will clean and love doing it because of the help it gives. She will sit and just talk if that is what is needed. And she will play with the kids for hours on the floor when I can only take about 15 minutes. I accuse her of being an enabler to the people around her, but the reality is she just loves to be there for others.

Mom, thanks for teaching me to care for others. We miss you already. Thanks for coming down and we look forward to seeing you again soon.

Interpreting Science through the Lens of Scripture

I have heard many people lately make the comment that we must be careful to evaluate any truth claim through the lens of scripture, and honestly, I bristle when I hear it. The heart in this claim is that Christians are certain that Scripture is absolutely true truth. Therefore, any claim of finding truth must be evaluated by how it lines up with what we already know to be true.

The heart of this statement is understandable. However, it is also a dangerous claim that can lead to ignorance and irrelevance of the truth to the outside world. A Christians claim to truth in Scripture is limited to the scope, intent, and context of that portion of scripture. Culture and perspective play a large role in how one interprets scripture. Does that mean there can be no absolute truth in scripture? Of course not. What it does mean is that our perspective of scripture can and does change over time.

Take for example the resistance of the church to accept Galileo's confirmations that the Earth revolves around the sun. The Holy Tribunal in Galileo's condemnation states: "The proposition that the sun is the center of the world and does not move from its place is absurd and false philosophically and formally heretical, because it is expressly contrary to the Holy Scripture. The proposition that the earth is not the center of the world and immovable, but that it moves, and also with a diurnal motion, is equally absurd and false philosophically, and theologically considered, at least erroneous in faith."*

This statement could be echoed in many current debates regarding science and faith. there are other examples including the use of scripture to back up slavery in the pre-civil war US or our cultural understandings clouding our view of the gospel in other cultures.

My point is that we often attach things to scripture that it perhaps was never meant to claim. For any Christian to say that no facts outside of my understanding of scripture should be considered is a pompous claim to ignorance. If we attach our faith to an understand which is very obviously incorrect due to observable evidence, it makes that faith irrelevant to anyone outside that belief system.

Our actions should not be to ignore all facts outside our understanding, but to hold loosely to our understanding as new facts are learned and find out what the reality must be. If Christ is indeed true, he can handle our inquiries to truth. In fact they will lead us to him ultimately. To deny reality is to deny a way to understand God.

Of course this does not mean we accept all scientific whims of the day and try to fit them into our current worldview. There are many scientific theories that turn out to be absolutely false later. Our role is to evaluate the plausibility of these theories and ask where they might fit (or not fit) into our current understanding of the world – if they warrant it. Often Christians feel I am talking about accepting evolution when I argue this. I am not...necessarily. But rejecting evolution should not be because it contradicts my understanding of scripture (it may), but because I think the theory itself is not extremely plausible given my current understanding and facts I accept. Therefore, I would see no reason to grant it an understanding or assimilation within my current worldview understanding.

This is the route I advise others to take – understand plausibility, understand the facts, and allow it to shape your current understanding if it so warrents. If God is truth, it will only lead to him…while potentially shattering the false beliefs we may be holding onto as truth that were never intended to be truth.

*Janelle Rohr, editor, Science & Religion--Opposing Viewpoints (Greenhaven Press, 1988), p. 24. as cited at www.christiananswers.net/q-eden/galileo.html#18

The Reliability of Science

Science is a wonderful discipline in its ambition and rationality to explain the unexplained. However, there is a profound saying that JP Moreland writes in Scaling the Secular City:

“It has been said that one who marries current science is destined to be a widower soon.”

It is dangerous to pin any belief too closely to current scientific understanding. New discoveries and new theories constantly challenge what is currently “known.” A note from NASA's website helps us to understand this:

In science, no theory is ever absolutely proved true. Some theories, however, are stronger and better supported than others. This depends on many factors, including how well the theory explains observed facts, whether the theory has made successful predictions later borne out by observation, how long the theory has been around, and whether there are alternate theories that do almost as well... New observations could always cause the Big Bang theory to be abandoned, but that is not likely. Scientists have a theory of why the sky is blue. One day you could wake up to find the sky is green and the "blue-sky theory" was wrong, but that's not likely to happen either.

Evolutionists (a hot topic given responses to my first post) tend to claim that Evolution falls into the same category as described by NASA regarding the Big Bang - highly unlikely to be debunked.

The reality is, science is not an absolute truth in itself and we need to be careful of treating it as such. Science aims to point at or explain truth that exists outside of its theories. Absolute truth exists, but science, like any individual, is tainted by perspective and current knowledge which change over time. Our understanding becomes clearer as we learn more things and this leads to changed views.

That said, it is important to respect science as a source of knowledge. To ignore what is known about the universe because it does not line up with what we believe is simply pompous ignorance. Just because views change (as they do in Christianity - see tomorrow's post) it does not mean that all the information is invalid. Evidence must be considered and accounted for in any worldview - either as rationally inconclusive or as explained by that worldview.

Finally, someone asked in a previous post if evolution is still occuring in humans...I found my official stance if it is:

Great Expectations

What is it fair to expect from God? What "evidence" of him should we expect to be given. Should we look for 100% certainty...shake his hand and have him physically and audibally be there? Perhaps a neon sign in the sky? I've got to be honest, all that would be real nice right now!

Perhaps one of my biggest struggles right now is that much of what we "see" of God today is based on interpretation and personal experience. We in Christian circles often state that God is like the wind...we don't see the wind, but we see the effects of the wind. This is true. But I don't understand right now why God needs to be that invisible. For instance, I know George Bush exists (let's not get into the semantics of do I really know it since I've only seen television broadcasts of him). I also see the effects of George Bush's views and policies which I can choose to believe in/accept or not...but I need not question the existance of the man. Why can't God similarly make his existance less work to find and allow our free will to be based more on our heart to follow.

Yet even those who lived with Jesus and saw his signs doubted. The pharisees asked for a sign and were rebuked by Jesus because of how much was already given them to beleive (Matt 12:38-42). As Jesus was preparing his disciples for his death, Philip - who had seen all Jesus had done and said - asks to see God. Jesus simply replies astonished that Philip does not recognize him after all he has experienced (John 14:8-11).

Those of us who are skeptical have the uncanny ability to explain away all evidences we may find, no matter how seemingly obvious to outsiders.

What I am looking for now is plausibility: an understanding that my faith in God is not grounded in wishful thinking or ignorance, but instead accounts for reality and is more "reasonable" than other explanations or worldviews. Primarily, over the next few weeks, I will look at the rationality of the following cornerstones of the Christian faith:

• God Exists
• The Bible is a reliable source about Him
• God continues to be involved in the world today
• Christ is God and the Salvation for all those that follow Him

Quotes and Quips

I've decided to add a category here for fun quotes and quips that I hear or find...some of which remind me of specific people while others just make me think or laugh.

The first is for those of you who are pastors or public speaking students (or both - you know who you are):

"Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary."

- Evan Esar, American Humorist (1899 - 1995)

"Daddy, don't touch my penis"

- Jordan, my 3 year old while I was helping him "aim" on the toilet...in a closed stall...of a crowded movie theater.

Kids These Days...

Star Wars. The classic good vs. evil galactic adventure. All kids love pretending to be Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader, right? I took a break today to introduce my boys (5 and 3) to this classic tale that daddy enjoyed growing up. I was looking forward to being the one to show them a world that their imagination could reach out to with excitement.

It took less than 30 minutes for the verdict I had been waiting for:

Jamie (5): "Dad, can I go do something else now?"
Jordan (3): "..." (he was asleep)

My kids, who can watch the same episode of Blue's Clues 50 times in a row were board with Star Wars. Obviously kids today no longer know how to appreciate the good things in life that they have right in front of them. Maybe that's the problem with society. I guess it's back to reruns of Blue's Clues.

The Struggle

Is there really a Christian God, or are we just deluding ourselves? This is the question that I have been wrestling with in a new way over the past few months. As a man who has spent his entire working career in ministry (9 years since graduating college) this is extremely unsettling. Doubt is normal. Exploring the reasons for our belief is normal. I have experienced both of these in the past 10 years. But this doubt is different. I’ve explored doubt before without my faith shaking. I’ve always felt God and Christianity are the most plausible and reasonable belief. I’ve never feared asking the tough questions because if God is true – and I’ve believed He is – then any honest question that finds resolution should find resolution in a way that accounts for that God.

In the last month, however, I have found that the answers I have previously known are now ineffective in quelling the doubt I feel. God is silent in showing up in those questions. Further, I fear that perhaps in all the answers and questions I have had in the past I have simply deluded myself into accepting answers which really are insufficient. Are we Christians just fooling ourselves? I’ve begun wondering about the alternative views outside of God and that has led me to realize that there are valid arguments out there – at least at first glance. My skepticism has grown to a point that has me doubting skeptically almost all Christian views…and even non-Christian views at times.

As a result of this doubt I have taken a number of weeks off of direct ministry work in order to ground myself in study and reflection. I have one month…4 weeks in addition to the side work I have done previously. In this time, I need to explore what I believe and why. This blog will be one place to process my thoughts as I debate the reality of God and the arguments for His existence.