Why did I believe in the First Place?

I have always believed that if God is truth, then he can stand up to our inquiry toward truth without failing.

A few of you have thrown out the challenge for me to look at why I believed in the first place. Fair enough. In this post, however, I will not argue against these, but simply allow the reflection to sink in.

I was 15 when I attended church with the sole purpose of figuring out if I should be an outspoken opponent to the "whitewashing damage of this crazy institution." This idea that there there was an invisible being that loved people struck me as a solid helping of B.S.

Attending that service, a number of people gave testimonies of how their lives had changed due to this belief in God. I wasn't stupid or gullible enough to believe this crap, but I conceded not be outspoken against it since the belief was doing some good for these gullible souls (to some extent that is where I'm afraid I might fall now).

At 16 I noticed that I was becoming a person I did not respect. I was into drinking, girls, and other vices of teens at a level that I knew was not healthy. Then, a friend (of course a female) invited me to a church service. The youth pastor spoke of the rationality of believing in the resurrection (primarily that alternate theories were not rational). I had never known that Christians actually thought - AT ALL. This gave me my first exposure to apologetics.

I quickly read a short book by Josh McDowell called More than a Carpenter which outlines the logical reasons to believe in Jesus - he claimed to be God, he was not crazy or misguide, the bible is a reliable account of him, the disciples who knew him best died for their belief in him...etc. All backed up through evidence and logic. It made sense to me.

Since then I have matured in my understanding of other reasons to believe based on evidence and logic. In college and beyond I have always told others: Give me a more logical explanation of things and I will happily reconsider my position. I have no interest in following a false God. I have always believed that if God is truth, then he can stand up to our inquiry toward truth without failing.

Today, in this journey, I have begun doubting some of that foundation. This week I have been re-reading More than a Carpenter. It is refreshing to once again to be reminded of some of the simple logic that led me to belief.

What I have remembered this week is that it was an understanding of Jesus that led me to believe in God - not an understanding of God that led me to Christianity. Therefore, I have started again looking at this man Jesus and the accounts of him as I search for any solid grounding to stand upon.