A month dormant. A month of events in life that I have not put into words. There is something therapeutic about being forced to put our life into words that I think those of you who have blogs of your own will understand. Something that makes us sit down and think about our lives. Something that makes us articulate the little things or thoughts in life that so often pass by without a second thought. And it is something deeper than just journally because we must put it is something that we must explain well enough for others to understand. Something that makes us ask what those who may pass through our virtual lives may actually be interested in... whether parents, friends, random internet searches, or just our own selves looking back at our sporadic glances and deep thoughts in life.
Well, I'm back, and I hope somewhat consistently - although I make no promises. Those who were reading this have probably long left and gone so I somewhat feel I'm writing to myself. If you are out there please continue to check in regularly (or sign up for updates). And as you read something you like, don't like, disagree with, or that sparks a thought of your own, let me know your there!
Oh, and if you have any ideas for posts, let me know!
Showing posts with label Authenticity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Authenticity. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The Double Edged Sword of Authenticity
Authenticity. Honesty. Transparency. In a world of "Mcsoundbytes" and "how-you-doing-but-give-me-the-answer-in-5-seconds-or-less" relationships, I believe we all long to be truly known. 
Many of us walk through life afraid to let ourselves be known for fear that others won't take the time to care or out of fear of rejection - or perhaps more accurately that we will not be understood in our core selves. We are careful with who we are authentic with - as if each person in my life is allowed a certain level of access to the person I want them to see, but requires the top secret password for the true self that we feel inside.
Many of us walk through life afraid to let ourselves be known for fear that others won't take the time to care or out of fear of rejection - or perhaps more accurately that we will not be understood in our core selves. We are careful with who we are authentic with - as if each person in my life is allowed a certain level of access to the person I want them to see, but requires the top secret password for the true self that we feel inside.I value being real. I think we all do at some level. It is refreshing to us when others are real - faults and all - because we don't see it all that often in our world today. That is what this blog has been about for me. This entire faith struggle or the thoughts that I've had could very easily be handled internally, but I value the opportunity to be authentic with those around me - and yes publicly.
I found out Monday, however, that the authenticity that I have so valued has a sharp side to it that when not handled carefully can lead to deep wounds by the very wielder of it. When you wear you heart on your sleeve, it leaves it vulnerable to misunderstanding since the practice is so rare. I know many pastors and missionaries who have struggled in ways that I have shared and walk the route of keeping it to themselves. Who can judge them, for it is their very faith that provides their paycheck and their identity!
On Monday, I was informed that I am terminated from my place of employment because they "no longer have confidence in [my] ability to provide spiritual leadership in the capacity to which [I] had been assigned." One can hardly blame them. The Christian community is uncomfortable with doubt and honest questions - especially from their leaders. It was my own desire to be transparent that allowed questions to creep in to my performance. Perhaps we must choose more carefully who we are authentic with. But even if we look only for safe places, we can often misjudge safety.
No, I still think that we need to be true to who we are even at the risk of being misunderstood or rejected because of it. I think that the reality of our journeys in this life are too profound to hide in a shroud of fear and uncertainty. This last month has shown me anew the value of being real over and over again in my interactions with others and my own personal journey of finding a foundation in the reliability of Christ - even as I question other things.
Thank you all again for joining me in that. I look forward to continuing to write boldly and, yes, authentically.
On Monday, I was informed that I am terminated from my place of employment because they "no longer have confidence in [my] ability to provide spiritual leadership in the capacity to which [I] had been assigned." One can hardly blame them. The Christian community is uncomfortable with doubt and honest questions - especially from their leaders. It was my own desire to be transparent that allowed questions to creep in to my performance. Perhaps we must choose more carefully who we are authentic with. But even if we look only for safe places, we can often misjudge safety.
No, I still think that we need to be true to who we are even at the risk of being misunderstood or rejected because of it. I think that the reality of our journeys in this life are too profound to hide in a shroud of fear and uncertainty. This last month has shown me anew the value of being real over and over again in my interactions with others and my own personal journey of finding a foundation in the reliability of Christ - even as I question other things.
Thank you all again for joining me in that. I look forward to continuing to write boldly and, yes, authentically.
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