Chasing God

I had a strange conversation with a friend the other day. He said that he has always wondered if God was leading in the ministry work that I've done, but sees clearly that God is leading in my most recent endeavor as a firefighter in the way doors have opened and my obvious passionate pursuit of it.

(For anyone who may not know, I recently earned a top hiring slot for the West Metro Fire Department here in Denver. This is my next adventure after my life with YFC).

Since I was in college I have tried hard to follow what I believe God wanted me to do. I searched for HIS will in things; tried to understand what HE would have me do. I knew that if this God was true, than I wanted to put my whole life into serving HIM. The roles Mindy and I have had have been carefully considered in light of this desire.

Through my recent faith struggles and my disappointment with ministry, I was left to ask what's next. For the first time, I had little desire to "ask God" for the answer... to seek what he wanted. Instead, I decided what I wanted and pursued it whole heartedly - with great success.

Now, I'm not saying this isn't what God wanted necessarily. I'm just saying I did not take labored consideration to figure out what God wanted.

So I am left with a nagging question: Why is it that of all the times that I have tried to pursue God's will, the time someone sees it in me is the time I did not consider it very highly in my process?